


Workplace Inappropriate

by lies_d



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 14:49:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3696338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lies_d/pseuds/lies_d
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared goes to a therapist to work through some distracting feelings he's been having for Richard. Erlich finds a devious way to humiliate him by informing the entire household of Jared's 'crush'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to [dineshgilfoyle](http://dineshgilfoyle.tumblr.com/) for the betaread. :)
> 
> Also posted to fyeahjareddunn.tumblr.com
> 
> Now complete!

_Donald Duck._ Out of countless cruel nicknames he'd been given, it was the only moniker to follow him for almost his entire life. Back and forth across the state in every schoolyard, out of the mouths of drunken rowing jocks at Vassar, even from a few of the brogrammers at Google. He still sometimes had nightmares of being called Donald Duck in that horrible buccal whine.

In college he announced in several feminist theory classes that he would proudly take on his wife's last name if he ever got married. This did much to endear him to the hale women of his rowing team, so he never did mention that it was mostly because he was just sick and tired of being Donald Dunn.

Which is why it was a strange relief when Gavin Belson abruptly re-named him Jared. It wasn't the fond nickname he'd been dreaming of receiving for years. In fact it was a rather thoughtless mistake. Still, if some good came of it, who was he to complain?

Now he was Jared Dunn, and happier for it.

"So, Donald, what's been on your mind lately?"

Jared winced. His therapist was one of the few people who still used his old name, and for some reason he'd never been able to think of a way to explain the change.

"Well, um," Jared laced his fingers together on his lap. "I'm afraid I've been having... workplace inappropriate feelings again."

"For your new direct supervisor?"

"Yes." Jared nodded and looked away. He didn't know why it was still so uncomfortable to talk about. It happened regularly, like clockwork really. When he was in school he was prone to getting crushes on his teachers, and now in the work environment he inevitably developed undeniably crush-like feelings for whoever it was he worked for. Yes, he had had a crush on every single boss he'd ever had, from longer crushes (David, the staffer who supervised his internship with Rep. Pelosi, which had lasted three weeks) to shorter ones (Gavin Belson, a crush that mercifully clocked in at just under ten minutes).

Something about the authority they had over him, maybe. He never wanted to think about it too deeply. Really it was just a recurring inconvenience.

Except this was becoming much more than inconvenient. It was close to maddening at this point.

"Tell me about it," his therapist advised.

Jared took a deep breath. His therapy sessions often took on a certain confessional quality which felt almost religious to him. Still, he'd been going to see a therapist since his social worker had assigned him one as a teen, and it had always helped enormously.

"Well, I'm working at a small but growing tech start-up now." This was the first time he'd been able to attend in weeks, a fact his therapist had already chided him for. "My supervisor - the head of the company..." Jared cleared his throat.

"...His name is Richard."

 ***

"Bay area rowing buddies _my ass_." Erlich said out loud to nobody but himself. He kicked back and took another drag of his 'cigarette' while he watched the low-key office Jared had walked into almost an hour ago.

Jared was up to something shady, Erlich knew it. He'd always hated that guy, and now he was *this* close to proving he had good cause. He had a gut instinct for these things, and his gut never lied. He'd bet good money that Jared was in cahoots with Hooli, or some other start-up that had given him a better price. Snivelly little turncoat.

He bided his time for the right moment to strike.

 ***

"Donald, even though this case seems particularly persistent, the remedy will no doubt be the same as before. Try spending time with the friends you've made outside of work. Make some effort to pursue your hobbies."

Jared nodded while receiving Dr. Jenson's advice, including the ritual instructions to get more sleep and eat balanced meals, the our-fathers and hail-marys of his therapy. He'd heard all of this before but it didn't make it less true.

Yes, he would make plans to call up Julie and Amanda, down in San Fran. They would likely try to set him up with one of their friends, even though he really wasn't nearly ready for that. But they might go out for drinks and have fun talking about the old days at Vassar.

He already knew he'd spend the whole weekend wishing he was back at Pied Piper, handing Richard his morning pick-me-up and catching him up on industry news and their weekly to-do list.

But he also knew that it would pass, as all things do. He just had to be patient.

***

"Now that is the look of a man who's had a long day. I'll have what he's having," Erlich said to the bartender as he sidled up to the guy he'd followed into the bar. The bartender served him two fingers of neat whiskey.

"Every day feels longer and longer. I think I've got to get a new line of work." The dude was already halfway through his glass, and Erlich had watched him sit down only a few minutes ago.

"Do you have  _any_ idea how hard it is to listen to people talk about their problems all day long?"

_Huh._ So the guy was a shrink of some kind? Maybe Jared wasn't meeting with a rival tech start-up after all. But that didn't mean Erlich didn't still want to know what he was up to. Thankfully, it looked like finding out was going to be easier than Erlich thought - the guy was obviously dying to unload onto someone. Erlich put on his best 'tell me all about it' face.

"Sounds rough buddy. You must deal with a lot of neurotics nut jobs out here."

"You would not even believe it,"

Erlich smiled. "Oh I'd believe it."

***

The next morning, Erlich had to take a couple aspirin for his hangover. Once everyone was up and going, he strode into the workroom and plugged his phone into the speaker set.

“You guys will not fucking believe this,” he told them before letting loose.

***

Traffic had held Jared up again, and he was late. Knowing full well it didn’t matter to anyone else at the ranch, being late nonetheless made his skin crawl. He parked his Volt and jogged up to the door. 

As soon as he cracked the door, he heard... his own voice.

_"His name is Richard. He's... brilliant, really. A lot of people I've worked for, a lot of people in this town talk about changing the world, making it a better place. He doesn't talk like that, but I think he actually will. Change the world, I mean. If he survives the stress of starting his own company."_

Ice water coursed through Jared's veins as he realized what he was listening to – a recording of yesterday’s therapy session. All eyes turned to him as he stepped into the room.

Erlich was playing a file on the music speakers in the work room. Gilfoyle and Dinesh were sitting at their desks, and Jian Yang and at least one more of Erlich's incubator guys, and yes, there was Richard over by the wall, his arms wrapped around himself and his lips pressed into a thin line. Jared's humiliation was complete.

_"Mm hmm. And you find this brilliance attractive?_

_"Absolutely. But I also find him... physically attractive. Even though he's not conventionally handsome. His face is long, and kind of narrow. Large-ish nose and chin. Bushy eyebrows. But I like it."_

Jared found the power bar nearest to the speakers and pulled its plug. The recording cut out before it could disgrace him any further.

"So, you have designs on Richard, do you?" Erlich accused before Jared could muster the will to say anything.

"No. Nonono... I don't have any designs. I'm really not a designer. How... did you get that recording?"

"I had a drink with your therapist, and he left his phone at the bar when he went to take a piss."

"He didn't even tell me he was recording me. That's... highly unethical."

"He has trouble remembering the details of his sessions, probably because he's a raging alcoholic."

"Sounds like you need to find a new therapist," Gilfoyle advised.

"Clearly," Jared agreed.

"I told you this guy was shady, Richard. His name isn't even Jared, it's Donald."

"He told us that," Dinesh piped in, and Gilfoyle nodded. "Early in production."

"Well, he didn't tell us he was gay!"

"I'm not gay." Jared felt compelled to clarify. "I'm bisexual... but all of this is really  _not_ appropriate - "

"That's even worse than being gay!" Erlich declared. "At least with a gay guy you know where you stand. Bisexuals, they could be attracted to  _anyone_ at  _anytime_ . "

"Don't worry," Jared said, raising his hands. "I'm not attracted to anyone here - sorry, that was rude - I mean even though you're all attractive in your own way, I'm just..." Jared stuttered, feeling like his brain was operating on low bars. "I'm just... not currently attracted to any of you."

"Except Richard," pointed out Gilfoyle, and Jared wondered briefly if he'd done anything to offend him recently.

Jared looked desperately over to Richard, who was staring resolutely away.

"Richard, could I please talk to you for a minute?"

"Don't do it Richard, he might molest you," advised Erlich.

Jared wouldn't even dignify that with a response.

"Please?" Jared begged of Richard. His voice was getting all high and reedy. It was getting harder to keep it together.

Richard gave a little nod before gesturing with his head to the nearest room.         

"Sure."


	2. Chapter 2

Jared followed Richard into the room and closed the door behind them. They were now in Richard's 'office', which was also his bedroom - in hindsight not the best choice, Jared thought with wince.

Outside, they could plainly hear footsteps crowding the doorway to listen in on what they were saying, but at least Jared was sure they wouldn't chime in and interrupt.

Jared took a deep calming breath. He felt he could handle a lot, but this intense mortification had him feeling a little jagged and panicky.

"Richard, I want to start by saying how sorry I am. I know this must be so embarrassing for you."

Richard closed his eyes and opened his mouth, in that way that he did when he wanted to say something but he had absolutely no idea what to say.

"No, please, let me finish." Jared pleaded. "I just want to assure you that these... issues of mine - which I am working on, in therapy no less - will in no way have any impact my job performance, I swear. They don't really matter, it doesn't matter  _at all_ ."

Richard still wouldn't look at him, and a bubble of panic floated up in Jared's chest.

"Please don't ask me to leave the company," Jared begged, the last shred of his dignity gone. He would've gotten on his knees but he knew that could be read as a grotesque come-on.

Richard finally looked up at him. "No, you're not getting fired. It's okay, Jared - it's okay." Seeing how upset Jared was, he reached out to pat Jared's arm, but seemed to think better of it halfway through and put his hand down with some awkwardness.

Jared forced another big breath. He closed his eyes and nodded.

"Do you think we could just... pretend this never happened? That you never heard that recording?" Jared asked.

"Yes - absolutely." Richard nodded emphatically.

"Great - that's just great." Jared felt a manic smile pop up on his face, even though he would in no way describe what he was feeling as happy.

"Thank you, Richard. I'm just going to... go now. Do some work." Jared opened the door and left, nudging past the waiting listeners outside. Erlich glared at him as he retreated to his car to retrieve the laptop he’d completely forgotten.

***

Richard followed Jared out of the office. He was still trying to process what he'd heard on the recording, but for now all he knew was that he did not want to talk about it.

Everyone outside was staring at them, and he realized that wouldn't be likely right now. Gilfoyle and Dinesh didn't even hide the fact that they'd been listening at the door.

"Okay, so you probably heard us," Richard announced to everyone in the workroom after Jared had fled.

"We're going to all pretend we never heard that recording. It's just a thing that happened - point of fact it's a thing that  _didn't_ happen - so why should it matter to Pied Piper at all. Life goes on." Richard made a shoo-ing motion with his arms, hoping they'd all take the hint and go back to work. Didn't they all have jobs to do?

"I'm sending you the complete recording, Richard," announced Erlich. "There, done. You need to listen to it."

Richard's phone buzzed in his pocket. He fished it out and turned to Erlich.

"Erlich, what you just did was  _not cool._ And it's probably illegal. At the very least it's like, workplace harassment and I  _do not_ want to have to deal with crap like that."

Fiddling with his phone, he moved the file to the trash. "Here, I'm deleting what you sent. And I want you to delete it too. All of it."

Erlich spread his arms, as if looking for support from room, but the other guys were finally starting to disperse.

"That was kind of a dick move," Dinesh pointed out before going back to the workroom.

Erlich sighed and shook his head. "I did it for you Richard. You need to know what kind of creep you're working with here."

"It's just  _Jared,_ Erlich. He might be a little... awkward, even for us, but he's done nothing but help me since he came here."

"Yeah, because he wanted to get into your pants!"

Richard winced hard, closing his eyes against the mental image. He didn't want to think about this right now, or maybe ever.

"Erlich, why do you hate him so much?"

"Why do you  _not_ hate him? With his Vassar education, and his business degree, his corporate doublespeak. He's just trying to make it big off of our genius - off of  _your_ genius."

"So first he's doing it to get into my pants, now he's doing it for the money...?" Richard shook his head. "Erlich, could you just stop this stupid vendetta, please?"

Erlich threw out his arms, then dropped them.

"Fine. If you prefer to live in ignorance then I can't stop you." He turned on a heel, his bathrobe whirling behind him, to go back into his bedroom.

With a sigh, Richard rubbed his forehead and turned towards the nearest bathroom. He was pretty sure he was going to be sick.

***

As much as Richard wanted to put the whole episode behind him, for the next week, in what precious little down-time he had, it was almost all he could think about.

Jared had  _feelings_ for him? As in, romantic-y touchy-feely kind of feelings? It boggled the mind. He had only just recently started thinking of Jared as a person rather than a useful, quiet-voiced robot. Now Jared was supposedly a person with  _feelings?_ For  _him?_ Yes, Richard's mind was thoroughly boggled by it.

A question came to mind that boggled him even more.

_What if..._

Richard was quite sure he'd never known anyone who felt much about him that way. He'd never dated anyone for more than few weeks. This feeling of being wanted was... flattering. It made him wonder. Was it possible, could it be possible for him to ever return those feelings? Was there some divergent universe where he and Jared...?

Richard knew he was going down the rabbit hole when he started seriously considering this as a theoretical possibility.

What if, in this alternative universe, he and Jared went on a date. Could he, Richard, harbour feelings for Jared?

Could he, would he, in a house? Could he, would he, with a mouse? After some consideration, Richard decided, with no small amount of surprise, that the answer was yes, he could.

Although he was reluctant to use the B-word, Richard had known for some time that he wasn't completely, exclusively straight. On top of being short, shy, and nerdy, this was something so embarrassing that he could only barely admit it to himself. No guys had ever shown interest in him before, so it had never come up. 

Jared... he wasn’t unattractive. Tall and gawky maybe, but that in and of itself wasn’t a bad thing. In fact he kind of liked Jared’s tall gawkiness.  _In fact_ , if Richard had to choose to bed someone in the house, Richard decided that Jared was definitely the most beddable. He was smart, he was capable, and he didn’t seem like someone who would ever hurt him (although the fact that that was so high on his list of requirement made Richard think that he could probably benefit from some therapy himself).

In time that he probably should’ve spent writing code, Richard realized that despite their months spent working together, he’d never really noticed Jared before. Never looked at him - really looked. Jared was just so self-effacing. It seemed like he was throwing all of himself into the work of building Pied Piper, but Richard got the sense that there was so much he was keeping back.

Now Richard was looking, and there was something about Jared that made him want to know him better. Yes, he wanted to.

But _should he_ was another matter entirely. There was the whole workplace thing to consider - that was the same reason he and Monica had never gone out for those drinks. Jared was a partner, more of an employee really, and Pied Piper was Richard's number one priority right now. If he and Jared... had a thing, in whatever shape that thing might take, that might very well have serious consequences for the stability of their fledgling company.

So. Pretty obviously the final word came down to  _no._ He should not.

Then why couldn't he stop thinking about it?

After a week of gnawing unease, Richard realized that, as much as he'd been thinking about Jared, he hadn't actually seen him much in person. Usually Jared was an almost constant presence, but this week he'd only spoken with him a handful of times. It didn't help that Richard worked a lot in his bedroom now, but it seemed like even when he was out on the couch in the workroom, Jared had been in the kitchen or the lounge, or anywhere but where he was.

Richard took out his phone and texted him:

_'hey Jared, do you have a minute?'_

_'Sure. On my way.'_

In less than ten seconds, Jared appeared at the door of Richard's room.

"Hey buddy. What's up?"

Richard swivelled his chair over and shrugged.

"I don't know - I was just wondering if, y'know, anything was up with you?"

Jared frowned a little and gave his head a shake. "No, nothing's up, except the usual, I guess." He looked down as though bashful to admit it, and Richard wondered if 'the usual' was in reference to his 'issue,' as he'd called it.

"Oh. Okay."

Jared put his hands in his pockets and turned halfway to go.

"It's just, it seems like you haven't been around as much a usual. Don't you need to keep me updated on the... market watch, or whatever. For our strategic plan." Richard struggled to remember the last business-related topic Jared had been most keen to talk to him about.

Jared winced.

"I can generate that myself - it doesn't need your input until the final stage. I was really only using that as an excuse to spend time with you. Sorry." His contrition was etched on his face.

"But I've implemented a time-saving email technique. Most of them can be answered with yes or no replies. The ones marked urgent are the only ones that need a response within the day."

Richard nodded. "Yeah, I get the emails. I guess I'm just used to hearing things from you." He shrugged. "I don't want it to be like we're avoiding each other. Unless... " A thought occurred to Richard. "- it helps you to avoid me."

Jared took a moment to consider his answer. Richard suspected it was yes, but then Jared shook his head.

"No. I don’t want to avoid you.”

“Okay! Then did you maybe want to talk over the Hando presentation? I was just about to go grab some ramen – we could sit in the kitchen.”

Jared smiled, and even though they’d only been working a room away, Richard realized how much he’d missed him. He liked working with him, liked the patient way he explained things to Richard. He knew a great deal that Richard didn’t, but he never made Richard feel any smaller for it. Richard relied on him for so much. He felt safe with him.  

“That’d be great.”

***

That night, in his room, Richard retrieved the file Erlich had sent him, still nestled in his un-emptied trash. He put on his headphones and pressed play.

~~~

"His name is Richard. He's... brilliant, really. A lot of people I've worked for, a lot of people in this town talk about changing the world, making it a better place. He doesn't talk like that, but I think he actually will. Change the world, I mean. If he survives the stress of starting his own company.”

"Mm hmm. And you find this brilliance attractive?”

"Absolutely. But I also find him... physically attractive. Even though he's not conventionally handsome. His face is long, and kind of narrow. Large-ish nose and chin. Bushy eyebrows. But I like it. He's so expressive. And his hair has curls. They seem soft.

He's short and skinny - I guess trim would be a kinder description - and I can't explain why but I find that very, um, appealing. I've never seriously considered having, ah..." He stumbled on his words, the discomfort in his voice evident even through the recording. "...a romantic relationship, with another man. But I think about it fairly regularly now - I think about being with him. I worry that I'm becoming... rather seriously infatuated."

"Hmm. And how long have you been dealing with this infatuation?"

"It started the day I first met him. So technically my feelings pre-date my employment, which is a first. We... were both working for another organization and he made a very bold move when he left. It surprised me, and it impressed me. I was, well, smitten. On the spot. I left to follow him. In retrospect, I guess instead of asking for a job I should've asked for a date. I highly doubt he would've agreed. But at least it would've been more honest.”

"Do you feel you're being dishonest now?"

"In a way. Not admitting my feelings is just a lie of omission, so I don't feel guilty about that. I am committed to the company we're working to build together. But sometimes I wonder if that's just because of him."

Jared sighed.

“Richard... he has the kind of innovative genius that empires in this industry are founded on, but he's still learning the leadership skills that he needs to build and run a company. It's really gratifying to watch him test out his assertiveness while still trying to maintain his compassion. But he still has a huge knowledge gap when it comes to business management. I feel privileged to help him in that regard. It would be perfect if I wasn't also preoccupied by these... impossible thoughts of being with him."

"That must be difficult to deal with."

“It's...distracting. I'm getting more and more concerned about it because of how long it's lasted. I've been with him now - with his company - for four months, and these feelings just won't go away. In fact it seems to me they're just getting stronger. I've seen him... well, maybe I haven't seen him at his worst, but I've seen the not-so-rosy side of him. Bad decisions, bad behaviour. I've started carrying sick bags in my pocket for him because he vomits so much. And yet some days it feels like I'm in love with him. I don't know for sure. But that's what it feels like."

***

Richard stopped the recording. He took off his head set. Stared at the file on his phone for a few minutes before finally, out of respect, deleting it for good.

If asked, he couldn’t describe what he felt now. Couldn’t quantify or qualify it. Had no idea what he was supposed to think. He got up and went out to the workroom, where Jared was sleeping on his chair, slumped over his crossed arms.

“Hey,” Richard called out.

Jared awoke with a start. Rubbed his eyes and looked over to Richard. He didn’t apologize for sleeping since Richard had told him he could sleep whenever he needed. Richard now desperately wanted to know why he’d ever apologized in the first place.

“If you want to sleep on the couch, I could get you a blanket,” Richard told him.

Checking his watch (he still wore a watch?) Jared shook his head. “We’re not on a deadline – I should go home.”

_Or maybe you could stay a bit longer,_ Richard had the sudden impulse to ask. He kept his lips buttoned and nodded.

“Thanks though,” added Jared. “For the offer.”

“You’re welcome. Thank _you_. Um. For staying late.”

Jared shrugged, but his smile was sunny as he stood up. “All in a day’s work.”

Richard watched him gather up his gear and head for the door. Before stepping out, Jared turned and gave him a weird, awkward wave.

“Goodnight.”

Richard waved awkwardly back.

“'Night.”


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Erlich was the first one up, having been woken by indigestion due to spicy ramen. He walked out into the workroom to find Jared already there, tapping away at his laptop, bright and early in the morning, even though Erlich had seen his Volt leave late in the night. What a bootlicker.

"Hey  _Donald_ ." Erlich said. What a weird name. Gavin Belson obviously had better taste in names than his parents had.

"Donald Dunn... say, has anyone ever called you  _Donald Duck?_ " Erlich tried out his best duck voice.  _"Donald duck!_ Or... maybe Dee Dee. Yeah, that's the ticket!"

Jared stopped typing. He sighed, a kind of quick exasperated thing.

"Please don't call me either of those names."

Erlich chuckled. "What are you going to do about it?"

"Nothing. It just hurts my feelings. So please don't."

" _It hurts your feelings?_ What are you, in kindergarden?"

"When you call me childish names, yes, it takes me back to memories of kindergarden. So please, for the sake of workplace harmony, I'm asking you not to do that."

Erlich stared Jared down until he looked away. Jared wouldn't even stand up and face him like a man, which made Erlich shake his head. What a worm of a human being. He would've spit on the floor if this weren't his own house.

Turning away in disgust, Erlich went to find some breakfast, then retreated back to his room.

He plugged a set of headphones into his phone and opened the batch of recordings he’d stolen. There were quite a few, dated back a couple of years.

Sun Tsu’s golden rule:  _know your enemy like you know yourself._

Well now, Erlich was going to find out all about Donald 'Jared' Dunn.

***

The sun had gone down by the time Erlich had decided he'd heard enough. He took off his headphones and tossed them across the room. Wiped his cheeks with his bathrobe sleeve.

He'd envisioned a silver spoon lodged up Jared's ass from the moment of his birth. Rich but distant parents, uniformed private school, vacations skiing in the alps with kids named Muffy and Augustus.

_Wow._ He couldn't have been more wrong.

The things Jared had had to deal with - was still dealing with now in therapy, over a decade later - would've ground Erlich into a paste by the age of seventeen. No wonder he was so timid. It seemed a miracle to Erlich that he could get out of bed in the morning. Nevermind get out of bed to go to his complex, high-stakes job where he worked the hardest yet was valued the least.

According to what he'd told Dr. Jenson, only two years ago did he finish paying off the massive debt he'd incurred putting himself through one of the most reputable universities in the country. Working at Hooli, he must've saved a bit of a cushion fund, but he was still going waaay out on a limb here, working for peanuts at Pied Piper.

What Erlich had heard on those recordings, it was moving stuff, and he considered himself a man not easily moved. He had to admit it. He had a new appreciation for Jared. Not that he'd ever tell him that.

Erlich dusted chip crumbs off of himself and went out to the kitchen to get some more food. 

***

"Get out the big pan, daddy's reeled in a whopper!"

Richard stumbled into the house, waving a small piece of paper with an awful lot of zeroes on it. Erlich staggered in after him and headed straight for the bathroom. The drinks at that party had been waay too strong for their own good.

"So it went well?" Dinesh asked.

Richard handed the cheque to Jared. Who knew billionaires would just whip out their chequebooks at a party?

"Fantastic! This should get us about... a third of the way to our end-of year goal," Jared told him.

Richard sighed dramatically. _Only a third of the way?_

"I know, we still have long way to go. Still, yay, this is a great start."

"Of course it is," Jared told him sunnily. "I'll email Mr. LaFlamme about sending over a contract."

"Thanks, Jared." Richard held his hand up for a high-five, which Jared gave him, slowly and carefully. Richard barely resisted the urge to pull him into a hug. How many martinis had he had? He couldn't recall. He felt pretty damn giddy.   

"The gala was fun - next time I'll spring for more tickets so you can come too."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really." Richard decided he wanted nothing better than to see Jared in formal wear, getting squiffy on strong martinis. He'd blow off a dozen billionaires to be there with him.

The look on Jared's face was just too much. Richard needed some space before he did something _really_ stupid. He passed Jared by and headed for the kitchen, where he helped himself to one of Gilfoyle's Canadian beers.

***

A couple of hours later, Jared found Richard curled up on the nosh room couch. Except for Gilfoyle and Dinesh, who were nearby in the workroom finishing one last stretch of code, everyone else in the house had gone to bed.

The temperature was comfortable, but Jared nonetheless had the urge to find a blanket for Richard, or at least a sheet. He looked so vulnerable curled up there. He would've woken him up and directed him to bed if he hadn't been worried that Richard might roll down from his bunk. So Jared settled for placing a small garbage can on the floor nearby.

Just as he turned to go, he heard Richard call out softly so him.

"Jared?"

Jared stopped and turned back to see Richard looking up at him blearily.

"Yes, Richard?"

"Are you still in love with me?"

Jared froze for a moment, taken aback.  _How did he know?_ Then he realized it didn't matter, and that there was only one way to answer.

Jared moved back to Richard's side and crouched down so he could speak softly.

"Yeah. I guess I am," he replied as quietly as he could. It hurt to say it out loud, but he saw no reason to lie. It was better to admit your mistakes than to try and hide them. "Sorry," he added.

"No, don't be. Sorry, I mean. It's okay, Jared," Richard told him, slurring every sibilant. "I've been meaning... I've been wanting to talk to you about it."

"I know it's a talk we should've had when I was sober. But I was afraid I would throw up, and that wouldn't make for a good start _at all_. So, there's now. No time like the present, right?"

Jared nodded. "Right." His heart felt kind of fluttery. He had no idea where this was going, but it felt like it could only be somewhere either very good or somewhere very bad.

"I listened to the rest of the recording," Richard confessed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"It's okay." Jared absolved.

Richard smiled blearily at him. "I still don't know what you see in me," he said.

Jared couldn't help but smile back. "You're lucky Dr. Jenson could only see me for a half-session. I really could go on and on."

Still smiling, Richard closed his eyes and shook his head, still clearly disbelieving.

When next Richard opened his eyes, he looked up at Jared. Kind of sighed. "Listen, I was thinking that maybe you and I should go out on a date. I think maybe I'd like that," Richard told him.

"Really?"

Richard nodded. "Yeah, really. I mean, I know we probably shouldn't, because of Pied Piper and because we work together and everything. But it happens. People still do it. We could," he waved his hand dismissively, "figure out the details later."

Jared took a deep breath. Richard was grossly underestimating the damage this could do to his company. As the responsible party here, Jared knew he should stop this, but he had never felt less in control of his emotions than he was right now. He wasn't used to dealing with hope, or with this wild joy fluttering in his chest.

"So, will you, Jared, go out on a date with me, Richard?"

"Yes. Absolutely."

Richard gave him a thumbs up. "Awesome!" He reached down to pull his phone from his pocket.

"Let's go this Friday. I don't know where yet though."

"That's tomorrow."

"Okay, let's go tomorrow." Richard squinted at his phone, which was upside down, before handing it over to Jared. "Could you please put it in the calendar for me?"

"Sure." Jared took Richard's phone and opened their shared calendar. He punched his own name into the slot for Friday night, then had a sober pause.

"I'm adding Jared - Meeting. In case you forget that you wanted a date with me. Or in case you change your mind." It was only prudent. Jared didn't want to hold Richard to something that he only meant when he was drunk.

"I won't," promised Richard. He took his phone back and closed his eyes with a smile, clutching it to his chest.

"Gotta get some sleep now. See you tomorrow, Jared." Richard closed his eyes and within a few moments his jaw went slack.

Jared resisted, just barely, the impulse to reach out and touch him - put a hand on his shoulder, tuck away a stray lock of hair. Anything, really. He was so, so happy.

"Goodnight, Richard."

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

If regret could be compared to an ocean, then Richard's regret the next day lay somewhere down at the bottom of the Mariana Trench, where sunlight never reached, and strange creatures yet undiscovered by man thrived impossibly in the absolute darkness.

The first thing he did was get up to vomit in the nearest trash bin, which had helpfully been placed by the couch. His head was pounding and everything hurt. This was worse than after the toga party - much worse.

"Good morning, Romeo," Gilfoyle said as he stepped out of the bathroom to give Richard his turn. He couldn't make sense of that - he didn't even try. He got in the shower and watched himself use Dinesh's face wash as shampoo, not realizing until he'd smeared it on his hair what a mistake he'd made. It was gritty and took forever to rinse out.

Clearly, this was the kind of day where he wasn't fit to make any decisions beyond where to sit and what to eat. Too bad he had so much work to do.

While sipping a big glass of water he'd poured from the kitchen sink, he checked his phone. One block of coding and three schmooze meets, the last one being at Big Head's marina. Then, strangely enough, a meeting with Jared at 7pm.

He looked up to see if Jared was in so he could ask him what the meeting was about. There he was, coming in from the hall with his laptop, ready to hit the day. Jared looked... really good, actually. Nice, sharp-creased grey pants and a tucked-in dress shirt, carrying a matching jacket slung over his forearm. Kind of like what he used to wear back at Hooli, when Richard had first met him, only less corporate and boring.

Richard didn't realize he was staring until Jared looked up at him.

"Good morning, Richard."

A smile lit Jared's face, and Richard couldn't help but return it.

"Morning, Jared." He forgot what he was going to ask. "You look... um, sharp today," he added, then mentally kicked himself. He didn't want to lead Jared on. Or, maybe he did. In his addled state, he couldn't tell which was worse.

Jared looked away shyly, still smiling. Richard didn't think he'd ever seen Jared smile like that. It was a good look for him.

"Thank you," Jared replied. 

Dinesh crossed their paths, heading towards the fridge, his eyebrows drawn up for reasons Richard couldn't guess.

"I guess I'll see you later," Jared said. He lingered in the doorway a few seconds past awkward, then finally headed out towards his usual work spot.  

Richard shook his head and took another sip of water. It was official. Jared had a thing for him, and he had a thing right back. But he knew it could be terrible for Pied Piper if they ever, like, had a thing together. For some reasons... he guessed. What were those reasons again? There must be a good explanation for why every office he'd ever worked in had rules against it.

For a moment, Richard pondered the fact that if he fired Jared, they'd be in the free and clear. When that moment passed, he took it to be more evidence of his terrible lack of decision-making skills.

God damn, his feelings about this were just too confusing - he couldn't deal with them right now. He resolved to try and avoid Jared for the rest of the day.

***

The coding was tougher than usual, but he ploughed through. The meetings were nerve-wracking as always, but easier than he'd expected. Investors had a way of tolerating strangeness in the tech world.

The last schmooze of the day was at the marina where Big Head docked his yacht. While he was grateful to his friend for inviting him to meet some of his boating buddies  (which included some of the biggest investors in town), what should have been a low-key, chill party instead only set him further on edge and reminded him of all the work he still had to do.

To top off everything, the perfect ending to the perfect day, he dropped his phone into the water while texting one-handed on one of the docks.

"Ouch," Big Head commented as they watched it sink into the water. "I can ask them to look out for it the next time they dredge the marina. Happens a lot, there must be hundreds of phones down there."

Richard sighed and put his head in his hands. That was all he needed. He quelled the urge to puke into the water right after his phone.

"Can I borrow your phone?" Richard asked Big Head. "There's some stuff I've gotta line up for tomorrow."

"Sure." Big Head fished it out of his pocket, put in the password, and handed it over. Now there was a god damn friend. Richard made a mental note to try and talk to him about all this stuff that was going on. Maybe sometime later when they had time to hang out alone, that is.

Richard turned away from the edge of the boat before hitting the phone icon, then stared at the numbers dumbly for a few seconds.

"I don't know Jared's number - it was on my phone," he admitted, handing Big Head's cell back to him after trying the local directory. He really felt there should be some sad trombone music here to accompany all of his mishaps.

"Do you know his email address? You could use Hoolichat."

Off of Richard's look, Big Head shrugged. "I work for them, they expect me to use their stuff."

With a sigh, Richard took the phone back. Might as well give it a try.

***

Jared put the finishing touched on a presentation document Richard would need next week, then closed the file to stretch his fingers and allow himself a moment's rest.

_You look sharp today._

The words replayed themselves in his mind for at least the tenth time today, bringing a soft smile to his face. He had expected there would be no time to change before going out with Richard, but he'd agonized about whether or not to wear his 'date suit' to work. The look on Richard's face this morning when he'd spotted him coming in - something else that replayed in his mind - had made it all worth it.

It was almost six thirty - Richard should be done with his last appointment for the day. Jared had a few ideas about where they could go, he just hoped dinner and a movie wouldn't be too banal. He was getting hungry, and he couldn't remember the last movie he'd seen in a theatre. Really, even if all Richard wanted to do was go sit by the pool with some leftover pizza, he'd be thrilled.

Out of the blue, the Hoolichat icon popped up on his screen and played its once-familiar jingle. He hadn't used it since he quit, but the program was designed to stay on in the background until you uninstalled it, and he just hadn't had the time to bother.

Nelson Bighetti was calling him. Lacking any explanation for why this could be, he answered out of pure curiosity.

Richard's face appeared on his screen.

"Hey Jared. Sorry, I dropped my phone in the water."

Jared smiled, choosing to assume that Richard was calling to check in about their date, even as part of him braced for the disappointment that he instinctually expected.

“That’s okay, Richard. What’s up?”

Richard rubbed his face with one hand. “I was wondering - are those pitch slides ready for the Hando meeting tomorrow?”

Worry began to form like a stone in the pit of his stomach, but he refused to let it weigh him down just yet.

“Yes, I just finished them.”

“Oh great – that’s a relief. Thanks, Jared. I’ve gotta stay at this party awhile longer and I don’t think I’ll get a chance to work on them.”

Oh. Okay. They could just reschedule. Jared patiently waited for Richard to apologize and suggest another day.

“Oh yeah, didn’t we have a meeting tonight? What was that about?” Richard asked.

Jared exhaled. Wow. The pain was quite stunning. It wrapped around his chest like a vice, making his breath short. He was surprised that it would hurt this much. It reminded him of his childhood, with all of its hard disappointments. But then, he realized, he'd never had this much hope, or let himself be this happy, since he was too young to know better.

“Oh, nothing important,” Jared replied.

“Alright. Whatever.”

 Jared swallowed the barbed wire in his throat.

“I know I usually stay a bit later, but if you don’t mind I think I’m going to head home early tonight. Get some rest,” he told Richard.

Richard rubbed his face again. “Oh damn, first could you rough out the prospect charts for the HooHah people? I’m going to need them first thing.” It looked like he was thinking of puking. Yes, that was definitely a pre-puke face. “Sorry.” He added.

“That’s okay,” Jared replied.

Richard gave him a thin, tired smile. “See you tomorrow then. Goodnight, Jared.”

“Goodnight, Richard.”

Hoolichat closed with a jingle. Jared stared at his laptop for a few seconds before gently folding it closed.

“That’s rough buddy.” Gilfoyle commented without looking up from his workstation across the room.

Dinesh patted Jared’s shoulder supportively.

“Thank you. I’ll be fine. But I do appreciate your sympathy.”

Jared stood up. There wasn’t room in the house for him to have his own office, and the only empty room right now was Richard’s office/bedroom, which of course would be wildly inappropriate. He’d taken a Lyft here, or he’d be able to go out to his car. That left the bathroom, which was shared between six people. Which meant he’d have to make this quick.

Jared went to the bathroom. He took a clean hand towel, sat on the floor, and started crying.

***

Erlich opened the bathroom door, only to find Jared sitting on the floor beside the toilet paper, his face buried in a towel.

 Jared looked up, eyes puffy and red, blotted tears on his cheeks.

“I’m fine, I’ll be fine thanks.” His face crumpled. He buried it back in the towel and resumed sobbing.

Erlich closed the door.

***

"Why the fuck is Jared crying in the bathroom?" Erlich demanded of the guys in the workroom.

"Richard asked him out on a date while he was drunk, and then forgot." Dinesh informed him.

"Or changed his mind," opined Gilfoyle.

"Why do you always think the worst of people?"

Erlich took in the situation. "Oh for fuck's sake," he announced, pulling out his phone and turning back out of the room.

***

Erlich opened the door. "Get up." He barked, and without waiting for a response he hauled Jared up by the arm and dragged him from the bathroom, through the house and out the door.

"Now you listen to me," Erlich hissed at him once they were outside. "You are an intelligent, accomplished, courageous young man, and you're the only genuinely kind person I've ever met in this goddamn business. What you see in that twerp Richard is beyond me, but if he's the one you want, then you go get him!"

Jared wiped his face on his sleeve. He was hurt and confused and he suspected he might be having some kind of psychotic break.

"So what if he forgot your date because he was drunk? The fact that he asked means he's interested. _In vino verite_. That's green light go!"

Jared shook his head. "But... Pied Piper-"

"Fuck Pied Piper! You deserve to be happy."

He took Jared by the shoulders and turned him around, then started pushing him down the driveway.

"My van's in the shop, so I've called Uber for you. There you go. You're welcome."

A car pulled up. A driverless car. Terror coursed like ice through Jared's veins, and he felt that he'd never before in his adult life been so close to peeing his pants.

"Richard is out there, and he wants you. You go get him right now or I will literally kick you in the ass."

Erlich shoved Jared towards the car and made a kicking motion with his sandaled foot.

He was right, Jared realized. The crazy shouting man who looked like Erlich (but couldn't possibly be Erlich) was right. Richard mattered to him more than his company ever did.

Jared took a deep breath. He tottered towards the car one small, unsteady step at a time. Opened the door. Sat down inside. Jumped when Erlich closed the door on him.

"I don't want to see you back here until you've sucked each others' dicks." Erlich shouted at him through the glass of the car's window.

Jared whimpered when the car jerked into motion. He tried to focus on his breathing - _in, out, in, out_. He closed his eyes and thought of Richard and hoped he could survive the trip without passing out from fear. 


	5. Chapter 5

Big Head stared at his skewer of shrimp. It was a big skewer. They were big shrimp. They could probably beat him in a fight if they ganged up on him.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he answered it carefully, reluctant to take his eyes off of his food.

"Is Richard still here? No - he just left. Wasn't feeling well. I think he's still waiting for the cab I called him. Over by the parking lot tree. Sure, no problem."

Hanging up, Big Head put his phone back in his pocket and prepared to show these crustaceans just who was at the top of the food chain.

***

If he looked out the window and didn't focus on the empty seat in front of him, Jared found he could pretend he was in a regular cab. It helped. A little.

By the time the car approached the parking lot nearest the water, he felt somewhat more calm. That or he'd simply adjusted to a permanent adrenaline high. In any case he had the presence of mind to call Big Head and make sure Richard would still be there.

_By the parking lot tree..._

Yes, there it was. The only tree on a patch of grass, between a concrete sea and an ocean. And Richard standing under it, looking away towards the water.

"We have reached your destination," the car told him, rolling gently to a stop.

Erlich must have prepaid with a credit card, because after Jared opened the door and staggered out, it simply drove away.

Richard turned around. Seemed surprised to see him.

"Hey." Richard said.

"Hey." Jared responded, because it would be weird not to respond. And that was it. He had nothing else.

A dozen endings to a dozen rom-coms played in his mind. There was always a moment when the protagonist declared themselves. Spoke the words. Won true love. But Jared had no words. Richard already knew how he felt, and all he could add was _please please, give me a chance and I could make you so happy,_ which sounded pathetic in his own mind, and _it might end in disaster, but I think it'll be worth it,_ which was even worse.

Acting on instinct, Jared flung every ounce of good sense he had out into sea breeze. He stepped close to Richard, cupped his face in both hands, and kissed him.

It was as soft a kiss as he could give. He closed his eyes to better commit it to memory, the feeling of their lips pressed gently together.

Then he opened his eyes, put his hands down, and stepped back.

Plain shock was all he saw on Richard's face.

_Well, now you've gone and ruined your life,_ jeered a nasty voice inside of him that he'd worked so hard in therapy to dispel. _Richard's going to puke on you and that'll be just what you deserve._

The word _sorry_ wormed its way onto the tip of his tongue, but for once in his life he didn't say it. Richard could puke on him and fire him and spread disturbingly true rumours if he wanted, but Jared wasn't sorry, not even a little bit.

Richard didn't puke. He took Jared by the shoulders, stood up on his toes and kissed him right back. Hard.  

Jared knew now why Richard had been so surprised. It was a surprising thing, to be kissed when you least expected it. He closed his eyes to enjoy the moment, and kept them closed while Richard continued to kiss him. Neither seemed inclined to stop.

After this, Jared had a sudden inkling, would come the hard part. With the saying of words and the doing of things, and all the unexpected joys and disasters waiting to happen.

Right now was one of the best moments he'd ever had in his life. He kissed back with everything he had.

 

The end. 

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, are you surprised I wrote a long-ish story that somehow remained G-rated? I'm surprised. Shocked, really.
> 
> I'm thinking of following up with a smutty sequel. X) Drop a line in the comments if you'd be interested in reading it.


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